Accidental Celebrities

#1

Harry Whittington

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Whittington outside the hospital

Whittington outside the hospital

I think I know exactly what happened that day. Dick Cheney was out in the woods with this guy, who was maybe a little loaded, and they disagreed about something. So Cheney pointed his gun at the dude and said, “Harry, if I shot you in the face right now, do you know what would happen? You would apologize to me a few days later.” And Harry Whittington was like, “Why, Mr. Vice President, of course you’re kidding.” But then he actually did it. At that point, Cheney was headed toward talking more and more openly about just how evil he was. I always thought one day in a press conference, someone would raise his hand and ask, “Mr. Cheney, are you a lizard? Do you eat babies?” And he would say, “Yes, actually, I do.” Because it was conceivable that he would get to that level. This thing with Whittington was almost there. There’s a real beauty to that. The guy is a virtuoso of evil. He’s like one of the bullies in high school whose work you just have to admire, simply for its creativity. I’m totally apolitical on this; I’m honestly in awe of the dude. He’s just dumbfoundingly bad. He’s now the only one bucking that rule that you’re supposed to be quiet after leaving office. But at this point, it could come out that he’s a gay puppet of the Chinese government, and he’d still get invited to be on TV. Because what could possibly be worse than what he’s already done? Plus, I mean, what else would he do now? Head up a charity?

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Louis C.K. is a stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and director who most recently appeared in Ricky Gervais film The Invention of Lying. Follow him on Twitter.

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