Eliot Spitzer: ‘Client No. 9’

Eliot Spitzer sounds like such a creepy trick. As New York attorney general, he actively and aggressively pursued anything related to prostitution. And he’s right in the thick of it himself! What a hypocrite. How dare he! It’s, like, the ultimate creepy thing. There were other creepy things, though: he didn’t want to wear condoms. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with keeping your socks on, and there are a lot of guys who don’t like to wear condoms, but if that’s the deal, that’s the deal. It’s so hard to deal with someone like that, who wants to argue every step of the way, and doesn’t want to make it fun. Let’s think of a perfectly easy way to have an albeit illegal, but a nice evening and a wild fun time, and do everything we can to ruin it and make it a miserable night. Maybe that’s the lawyer in him or something. I wouldn’t even have dealt with someone like Spitzer as a client. This is like a low-level escort service he’s dealing with. They had some cheap governor in there, so they said they were VIP. He’s in there along with a refrigerator repairman and a bartender at a local pub. Also, we had good nicknames. Like “Sack of Cash,” not like “Client No. 9.”